Somewhere in the Future

a tiny, precision screw
that you removed from your watch
and then proceeded to drop,
is falling in slow motion,
turning and twisting in the air.
it strikes the hardwood floor,
and then bounces
with a TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK
and then  v a n i s h e s  into the air.

it is GONE.

that screw does not adhere to any established thread standard,
and therefore is an irreplaceable part for which its
absence renders your watch completely useless.

you'll look for it under the table
(because that's where you saw it fall)
but it will not be there.
it should be there.
it should be right there under the fucking table.
(because that's where you saw it fall)
and you'll say,
"why is it not there?"
"WHY IS IT NOT THERE???"
and you'll frantically begin sweeping the perimeter
and you'll examine every dot, scratch or potato chip crumb
or every speck of glitter, twinkle or notch in the floor
and eventually you'll exhaust all of your options and
turn to ridiculous places,
like looking inside the tongue of your shoe or the lip of your sleeve,
or under the stack of mail, in the dog bowl
and under chairs halfway across the room...

but it will not be there.

it will not be anywhere.

that screw simply does not exist anymore.

it was absorbed by the world
and is now deep inside the center of the earth,
melting into magma and churning under pressure,
waiting to be blown from an island mountain
halfway across the world,
thousands of years from now.

somewhere in the future
is the moment you drop that irreplaceable screw,
hurling towards you like a spear
and there's simply nothing you can do about it,
but live your life as if it isn't going to happen,
while at the same time,
acknowledging that deep inside,
you’ve always had a few screws loose
yourself.

music that represents the downfall of civilization

sometimes i am reminded of 4'33",
the 3 movement composition by John Cage
where musicians are instructed
to refrain from playing their instruments
during the entire duration of each movement,
creating nothing but silence.

and then other times
i am reminded of the hip-hop artist Sisqo
and his famous, chart-topping hit from 1999,
"Thong Song" where he reminds us all that,
"She had dumps like a truck truck truck.
Thighs like what what what.
Baby move your butt butt butt
Let me see that thong."

and when i listen
to these two pieces in succession of each other,
in the order as they are written here,
i can't help but pine for the silence of the former
throughout the noise of the latter
which eventually directs me to another song,
the 1933 piece "Gloomy Sunday" by Rezso Seress
also known as
"The Hungarian Suicide Song"
which i am forced to play on a loop
for as long as it takes
to eradicate the The Thong Song
from active memory.

 

 


 

drought

and once again, the hills of Southern California
go back to brown
and the dry brush piles up in the corner

this place is arid most of the time
and any vagaries in the weather
feel like a broken promise
or a delusion
like a man with $3 left to his name
ordering a brandy and a steak dinner in a brasserie.
with every savory bite he is transported away from his reality
until the strike of the bill
unseats his
fantasy.


i am like the green grass on these dry hills.

i do not belong here
in this desert.


 

weightgloss

someday i'll be gone and some poor soul
will have to deal with all the crap i leave behind
and they'll have to go through a
ton of boxes and drawers
and they'll hold up some dingus and
say, "what the hell is this thing,"
or, "why did he have this," or, 
"does it even turn on anymore?"
and then some of my stuff will go to Goodwill
and some will be sold
and some stuff will get tossed
and my email acccount will just sit there
and this blog will disappear
and all the letters in all the words i've ever written
will be recycled and used somewhere else like
in contracts or on checks or in
some strange lady's terrible
romantic letter to a French jet ski model
who doesn't care about anyone but himself
and just breaks hearts left and right.
this whole death and affairs thing will be
a damned shame
and a real HASSLE for everyone involved
because everything i've ever said, done,
been, made or ruined,
will have to be recycled, destroyed, buried,
dispersed and sold
and it is precisely for that reason that
i'm just going to sit down
right here on this spot
and drink this here delicious root beer
and not give a shit about how many calories are in it
or what happens next when it's done
or where i'm supposed to go later or
what i'm supposed to do today.

hung by the bed

though it is as familiar as my autumn coat,
like a sandbag on a weakened hook,
pulling screws out of the wall,
hung by the bed or by the door
ignored but always breathing there
in the coldest corner of the room
like a burned out bulb I never changed
cupping dirt and moths and old confetti
from a new year's party years ago
i know it better than my hands
or the frozen photos in my phone
deceptive comfort lying there
forced to cede another day
and take the space where clothes should lay
if misery is not a coat
nor a scarf or winter sleigh
why do I hang it on this rack
and leave it there to stay?

recipe for apathy

the quest for stability, consistency and security
often results in an attained level of comfort
that chips away at ambitions and dreams
until there is nothing left
but apathy and
fatigue.

where once stood solid brick,
now lies mortar crumbs.
where once stood wooden beams,
now lies sawdust and splinters.

what can I do anymore,
but pile up these crumbs
and light this dust
and watch
this
tiny
hill
burn.